Attitudes about Marriage

What makes marriage last?

Why do some marriages end in divorce, while others endure? I don’t presume to have easy answers, nor am I coming from a pedestal or place of judgement. A little tidbit you should know about me: I LOVE reading biographies. This is my favorite genre because the story of triumph over tragedy and the resilience of the human spirit has always fascinated me. I will forever cheer for the underdog, and hold on to hope for good things to come. I love reading about how good people go through hard things and are successful in spite of failure or trials.

My parents’ marriage ended in divorce when I was ten. I really did not want to endure another divorce ever again, and I told my husband that when he proposed to me. I wanted him to be sure that he was in it for the long haul, no matter what.

I recently read an article  entitled, Covenant Marriage,  which described 3 “wolves” that could threaten marriage. They are worth our consideration.

1.       Natural Adversity – when bad/hard things happen

a.       What if you lost a child?

b.       What if your child has special needs and demands extra/lifelong care?

c.       What if your spouse loses the job that provides your family’s income?

d.       What if you can’t have children?

2.       Imperfections

a.       Do you focus on the best or the worst in your spouse?

b.       Do you praise or criticize?

c.       Is imperfection allowed in your marriage/home?

d.       Are you too hard on yourself/your spouse?

3.       Excessive Individualism

a.       Is one person in the marriage/family more important than the whole unit?

b.       Do we realize that there is more to marriage that doing what makes one happy?

c.       Are we ready to make personal sacrifices in order to bless the family?

d.       Do we understand that children, extended families, and societies depend on marriage for stability?

How we handle the scenarios above will be indicative of how well we hold on to marriage. I believe that marriage requires us to develop certain skills in order to build a marriage that lasts. Here are a few skills I think are necessary to counteract any possible wolves:

• ·       Commitment
• ·       Selflessness (sacrifice)
• ·       Compassion
• ·       Sense of humor
• ·       Faith in God

“I have long felt that happiness in marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion,” an ability to look for a spouse’s virtues, and a desire to encourage each other to grow and develop in many ways.” (Gordon B. Hinckley, 1984)