Be Intentional About LOVING Your Spouse

This week is Valentine’s Day. A holiday that reminds us to show our love to that special person in our lives.  As I was reading the 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, I read a chapter that was just for me. It was all about nurturing your fondness and admiration for your spouse.

We all know that anything not nurtured risks withering away. Every relationship ebbs and flows through cycles of peaks and valleys. By nature, life is just this way. Marriage is this way too. Busy schedules, transitions, trials, and distractions can slowly, even imperceptibly push a couple apart.  Dr. Gottman says:

“Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting romance.” (69)

He described the act of creating fondness and admiration this way: “By simply reminding yourself of your spouse’s positive qualities – even as you grapple with each other’s flaws – you can prevent a happy marriage from deteriorating.”

The greatest part of my reading was when Gottman gave pages of exercises on how to reinvigorate fondness and admiration, as well as learn to cherish your spouse.

Here are a few of the ideas I LOVED!

o   Tell your spouse 5 things you appreciate that they do. (74)

o   Talk about how you met and fell in LOVE. (77)

o   Make a list of characteristics that MELT YOUR HEART about your spouse. (79)

o   List things/goals you SHARE. (82-83)

Just by thinking about all of the things I cherish about my husband, I’ve been overwhelmed with gratitude. This works! Any negative thoughts or little criticisms have been replaced with appreciation. I needed this. I need to do this every day. I am so blessed to be married to an incredible, hard-working man, yet more often than I’d like to admit, I focus on the little discrepancies in our marriage. This was a game changer for me.

REMIND YOURSELF WHY YOU LOVE YOUR NUMBER 1 AND LET THEM KNOW!!!